I sometimes talk about the difference between a divorce “settlement” and a divorce “resolution.” Over 95% of divorces probably end up in a settlement. Far fewer, however, end up with a resolution. As I think of it, a settlement addresses the narrow legally-defined issues for divorce and separation. However, a divorce resolution addresses the conflict as well as the legal issues.
Ask most family law attorneys about the difference, and odds are that they'll stare blankly. Pretty much all will be very familiar with clients who reached a settlement in their divorce. However, with a settlement, too often they return time and again for new post-divorce legal proceedings, such as issues relating to parenting (child custody and visitation), child support, spousal maintenance (alimony) or other family law matters.
Most divorce lawyers focus only on issues that are defined by divorce law, ignoring anything that cannot be addressed through the legal lens. The problem with that approach is that merely addressing legal issues often leaves the underlying conflict unresolved. And that unresolved conflict then festers. Yes, the legal issues in divorce are important; however, when conflicts are not resolved, they often create problems later. Addressing only the legal issues in divorce is therefore often an incomplete approach. You really don’t want an incomplete divorce.
When arriving at a divorce resolution, both the legal issues and the conflict are addressed as part of your divorce. Doing so creates a better divorce outcome, results in an outcome that has staying power, reduces any damage to important relationships, and reduces the likelihood of the need for divorce lawyer involvement in the future.
There is no doubt that a divorce settlement is an enormous improvement compared to not settling your divorce. Maybe a divorce settlement is all that can be achieved. However, resolution addresses the underlying conflicts. It means that the parties can leave the marriage with integrity and without added damage or ongoing conflict.
Not every divorcing spouse is interested in resolution, much preferring to holding onto their high emotions even though they cause nothing but pain. However, if you value the possibility of a resolution in your divorce, ask yourself two things:
1. Do the divorce lawyers and the other professionals working on your case have the awareness and skill set to increase the likelihood of reaching resolution in as part of your divorce?
2. Is the divorce process you have chosen well-suited to allow for resolution, and restructuring families and relationships without inherent collateral damage? My belief is that mediation and Collaborative Law are most suited for resolution, while conventional representation can normally only offer a settlement.
If a durable resolution in your divorce is consistent with your values, investigate the possibilities of a Collaborative Divorce or a divorce mediation with skilled divorce lawyers and other professionals who can support you with that option.