Divorce is one of the most difficult life transitions you will ever have, impacting the immediate family and extended family, let alone friends and community. So yes, divorce is a major event. Just making that first phone call to make an appointment with a divorce lawyer to gather some information is often challenging.
One of the biggest challenges of divorce is that the substantive outcome cannot be known in advance. It will become known as you get there. And, while every divorcing party wants to know what will happen in the end, and many want to conclude right away, it often takes some time to reach an adequate understanding to be able to make good divorce decisions. In many ways, all people going through divorce will have to tolerate a period of unknowing and ambiguity, which can be uncomfortable and confusing.
What can help in this period? Gather your support systems – family, friends, spiritual community, therapist – whomever you can call upon for emotional help when you need it. There are many ways to negotiate ongoing emotional support. You might be able to make agreements with your emotional supporters so know to whom to rely upon at any given time. It is equally important to feel what you feel on your own.
And, remember that while supporters will do their best, most are not divorce experts, and well-meaning efforts to give you advice on substantive matters might be misguided. Focus on using your own supporters for emotional support. Look to your divorce lawyer, and Collaborative Divorce team, to provide you with substantive support.
The limbo will end. That’s not to say there won’t be bumps in the road or areas where dialogue will be ongoing (especially when children are involved). But you will reclaim your life, your new life, in time. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.