People often ask me: "which cases might be appropriate for a Collaborative Divorce?" They are sometimes surprised when I tell them that divorces with a moderate or even significant level of conflict are often appropriate divorces for the Collaborative process. Perhaps the most essential requirement is that both spouses be committed to resolving their dispute themselves, and willing to engage with integrity in the process to accomplish an optimal outcome consistent with their values. The commitment of the parties is as paramount to the suitability of the Collaborative Divorce process as is the training and experience of the lawyers and other professionals.
But which divorces might not be appropriate for a Collaborative Divorce? There are "red flags" for which Collaborative Divorce lawyers watch.
The most obvious red flag would be those divorces where there is active coercive-type domestic violence or where equivalent coercion and control is present, and cases involving substance abuse, or where mental illness is present. Some believe those cases are never appropriate for a Collaborative Divorce. Others believe a few of those types divorce cases may be suitable for a Collaborative Divorce unless certain conditions are met, for example (a) both parties fully acknowledging and accepting the depth of the problem, (b) an appropriate treatment plan for is in effect and monitored, (c) a highly experienced Collaborative Divorce professional team is in place (lawyers, coaches, financial, child specialist, etc.), (d) an assessment as to suitability, and (e) the parties willing to have a lot of patience. Similar conditions might be appropriate for divorces involving substance abuse or mental health problems. Even when the spouses are fully committed and appropriate treatment is in place, those cases will likely be highly challenging in the Collaborative Divorce context.
Other divorces that raise concerns include those when a client wishes to enter the process for a dishonest purpose, such as to use the process to undue advantage or otherwise undermine the objectives of the Collaborative Participation Agreement. A Collaborative Divorce is unsuitable for clients who are unwilling or unable to respectfully participate in joint sessions, and those unwilling to abide by similar boundaries in-between the joint sessions. Clients engaging in the Collaborative Divorce process must also have at least a small amount of trust that the other will be participating in good faith in the process, even if there may be significant conflict.
The good news is that a Collaborative Divorce is suitable for most people. The dysfunctions that would exclude people affect only a minority of the population. If the spectrum of divorcing clients is depicted by a bell curve, with no-conflict cases on one end and highly conflicted cases on the other, then the vast majority of cases -- those that are solidly in the center of the bell curve -- are suitable for a Collaborative Divorce. For those who are suitable and who choose a Collaborative Divorce, it can be a life-changing experience for the better.Labels: collaborative divorce, divorce, domestic violence, mental illness, substance abuse